Wikipedia: I know everything.
Google: I have everything.
Facebook: I know everybody.
Internet: Without me, you are all nothing.
NEPA: Keep talking …we shall see.
If the alarm of a China phone cannot wake you, forget it, you are dead.
Parallel lines have so much in common…..It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.
"My father grows beans," said one girl.
"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.
A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works?
UCHE: Mommy, can I go to Chidera’s house?
MOMMY: No fuel.
UCHE: Ahn ahn! I’m using my legs.
MOMMY: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?
Husband takes the wife to a night party. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing happily – breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, doing shoki. The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” Husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!”